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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Exhausted

Physically and emotionally drained.  Ready to give up - totally.  The last time I was without a car I was without one for 3 months but it was summer and it didn't seem to be as bad as it is now.  Of course that was before the divorce was final and I was able to be on state assistance.  Per the divorce agreement I have to be self-sufficient or they are going to give my ex custody of my two youngest boys.  I am getting more discouraged by the day.  NOTHING is coming thru.  Hopefully I will at least get good news from Home Depot on Friday - I am keeping my fingers crossed and praying like crazy.  I am also praying that my friends at FCC will bless me.  I know there are people that have been there longer & have sadder stories than mine, and I don't think I am any more deserving than anyone else but I can't lose these boys.  They are my LIFE.  They are all I have.  The older kids are out and Mandy is about to start her own family and without a car and job, not only am I not going to be able to take care of the boys, but I won't be of any use as a Memé either.

I WANT TO WORK - I LOVE WORKING - I WANT TO BE ABLE TO JUST SUPPORT MYSELF!

I am praying so hard for a miracle and it just seems as tho no matter what I do, none will come.

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